Ben approaches his house and proceeds to pace around its perimeter, all the while checking what seems to be security cameras and sensors, some sort of perimeter alarm, and (most importantly) anti-Squeak traps scattered all around the lawn. After he seems content with their placement, he enters the house and settles down at his desk.
We see a street view of the house again and Squeak moves into the frame from the right as if he was watching Ben and the house the whole time. He pauses for a second, as if in mid thought. In his right hand is a map with notes and red X's all around a sketch of the house where the security system has seemingly gotten the best of Squeak. He looks very focused and determined. He walks toward the house.
Ben has wasted no time since he ensured his house's security, and is now deeply enthralled in his game of Tactigon. After a bit of intense gaming, we see the that Ben is trying to achieve the top ranking in the 'World Rankings' board, but he is currently second on the list. Just then, the power is cut off.
We see squeak on the roof smiling, with cord in hand. Ben becomes infuriated down below (sounds of furniture colliding with breakable objects. etc.). Squeak plugs and unplugs the power in and out a few more times, amusing himself quite a bit as Ben's frustrations rises exponentially. We see a wide shot of the house where the window to Ben's room is emitting a bright glow that flashes on and off with the power.
Then Ben steps outside of his window and onto the roof. He spots squeak on the roof, still greatly amused by what he is putting Ben through, and still cutting the power in and out. Ben climbs onto the roof and sneaks up behind squeak. There is a moment where squeak realizes that he is in danger and Ben lunges for him, so squeak jumps out of the way untouched. Ben turns around to see Squeak instigating him. Ben again charges at the animal in an attempt to catch him, but he is unsuccessful again as Squeak runs through his legs.
While Ben has his back turned, Squeak grabs the cable attached to one of the X287-XTRME Anti Burglary RPG Launchers with his mouth. The next time Ben tries to lunge for Squeak, Squeak pulls the cord taught and Ben trips on it. As he falls, the cord gets tangled around his foot and he falls off the roof, ripping the cord down with him.
From the window in Ben's room we see Ben flailing around in an attempt to free himself from the cable. He finally does, but he then falls onto the ground. Since the cord to the X287-XTRME Anti Burglary RPG Launcher was torn off, it malfunctions and starts to make odd sounds. Squeak, on the other hand, is safe and sound in Ben's chair starting up Tactigon. As Ben works on getting back to his room., Squeak manages to beat Ben's previous high score, and place himself as the new world champion.
Ben finally gets back inside his room; just in time to see Squeak's name at the #1 spot on the "World Rankings" page. With that, he charges at Squeak with complete disregard for the well being of his computer and lands right in his monitor. They are both stunned for a second in his room, and we hear the X287-XTRME Anti Burglary RPG Launcher say , "Acquiring Target" from above. Ben's face goes from determined to downright frightened.
After some machine sounds, the launcher maneuvers itself so it is pointing straight into Ben's window, directly at the two of them. We see an overhead view of the house from high above and then hear the launcher say, "Target Acquired". Then a flash of light.
Ben and Squeak are now sitting next to each other on the ground in front of Ben's charred house. They both have have blank, devastated stares on their faces.
Showing posts with label refined story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label refined story. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Story
For this revision I took the best pieces and plot ideas from the most recent story posts and expanded on them. For those of you who doubt the resolvability of my ending, I have this to say to you: I believe in it.
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Ben approaches his house and proceeds to pace around its perimeter, all the while checking what seems to be security cameras and sensors, some sort of perimeter alarm, and (most importantly) anti-Squeak traps scattered all around the lawn. After he seems content with their placement, he enters the house and settles down at his desk.
We see a street view of the house again and Squeak moves into the frame from the right as if he was watching Ben and the house the whole time. He pauses for a second, as if in mid thought. In his right hand is a scroll-like blueprint and he looks very focused and determined. He walks toward the house.
Ben has wasted no time since he ensured his house's security, and is now deeply enthralled in his game of Tactigon. After a bit of intense gaming, we see the that Ben is trying to achieve the top ranking in the 'World Rankings' board, but he is currently second on the list. Just then, the power is cut off.
We see squeak on the roof smiling, with cord in hand. Ben becomes infuriated down below (sounds of furniture colliding with breakable objects. etc.). Squeak plugs and unplugs the power in and out a few more times, amusing himself quite a bit as Ben's frustrations rises exponentially.
Then Ben steps outside. He spots squeak on the roof, still greatly amused by what he is putting Ben through. Ben climbs onto the roof and sneaks up behind squeak. There is a moment where squeak realizes that he is in danger and Ben lunges for him, so squeak jumps off untouched. Ben, however, falls directly onto his lawn full of Anti-Squeak traps.
From inside Ben's room we see Ben flailing around outside in a world of hurt from dozens of traps attacking his body. Squeak, on the other hand, is safe and sound in Ben's chair starting up Tactigon. As Ben works on getting the traps off, Squeak manages to beat Ben's previous high score, and place himself as the new world champion.
Ben finally gets back inside his room; just in time to see Squeak's name at the #1 spot on the "World Rankings" page. With that, he charges at Squeak with complete disregard for the well being of his computer and lands right in his monitor. Squeak dodges and runs for the door, with Ben right on his heels. As the emerge from the house, Ben's security system detects Squeak and fires on him, turning them both into dust and ending the dispute forever.
Ben approaches his house and proceeds to pace around its perimeter, all the while checking what seems to be security cameras and sensors, some sort of perimeter alarm, and (most importantly) anti-Squeak traps scattered all around the lawn. After he seems content with their placement, he enters the house and settles down at his desk.
We see a street view of the house again and Squeak moves into the frame from the right as if he was watching Ben and the house the whole time. He pauses for a second, as if in mid thought. In his right hand is a scroll-like blueprint and he looks very focused and determined. He walks toward the house.
Ben has wasted no time since he ensured his house's security, and is now deeply enthralled in his game of Tactigon. After a bit of intense gaming, we see the that Ben is trying to achieve the top ranking in the 'World Rankings' board, but he is currently second on the list. Just then, the power is cut off.
We see squeak on the roof smiling, with cord in hand. Ben becomes infuriated down below (sounds of furniture colliding with breakable objects. etc.). Squeak plugs and unplugs the power in and out a few more times, amusing himself quite a bit as Ben's frustrations rises exponentially.
Then Ben steps outside. He spots squeak on the roof, still greatly amused by what he is putting Ben through. Ben climbs onto the roof and sneaks up behind squeak. There is a moment where squeak realizes that he is in danger and Ben lunges for him, so squeak jumps off untouched. Ben, however, falls directly onto his lawn full of Anti-Squeak traps.
From inside Ben's room we see Ben flailing around outside in a world of hurt from dozens of traps attacking his body. Squeak, on the other hand, is safe and sound in Ben's chair starting up Tactigon. As Ben works on getting the traps off, Squeak manages to beat Ben's previous high score, and place himself as the new world champion.
Ben finally gets back inside his room; just in time to see Squeak's name at the #1 spot on the "World Rankings" page. With that, he charges at Squeak with complete disregard for the well being of his computer and lands right in his monitor. Squeak dodges and runs for the door, with Ben right on his heels. As the emerge from the house, Ben's security system detects Squeak and fires on him, turning them both into dust and ending the dispute forever.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Revised Semi-Final Story
The moon is out in full, and Squeak is standing in the street in front of the house of the greatest Tactigon player in the world. We see Squeak with a large blueprint-like scroll unfurled before him. He rolls it up right before he scurries towards the side of the house.
Ben is sitting in front of his computer staring intensely into his monitor. His room is covered in Tactigon paraphernalia and he is wearing a Tactigon t-shirt. He is determined to prove his skill in the Tactigon universe by completing the 999th level. We see the text “LEVEL 999” pop up on the screen and Ben shifts in his seat to achieve the optimun gaming posture. Then the power goes out. Ben is startled at first, but when he grasps the situation and his lost Tactigon game his left eye twitches as he stares into the darkness of his dead computer monitor. The only light is the moonlight reflecting off his face.
The camera cuts to Squeak who is on the roof with the power cord to the house that he just unplugged in his mouth. Immediately we hear yelling and rampaging coming from the house under Squeak's feet. At first squeak looks up and raises his ears to hear better, but then he realizes what the sound is, gives a brief satisfied grin and resumes his work. (Possibly a scene here with Ben in the dark flipping switches in a fuse box)
Ben busts through the front door fuming and looks towards the power lines. He spots Squeak sitting on the roof messing with the cord, and gets a confused look on his face. Next we see Ben climbing a ladder to the roof to subdue the unknown creature. Squeak spots him and acts terrified as Ben approaches with a grin. Right as Ben is almost within arms reach and swings at Squeak, Squeak jumps down from the roof after showing a hint of a grin. Ben is confused as to why Squeak didn't just jump down in the first place, but he shrugs and proceeds to the loose end of the power cord to regain power to his house.
Right after the power goes back on we hear the front door slam, and Ben (who is still on the roof) freezes. Then he scurries off the roof, but in the process gets his leg caught on the power cable. He stumbles and then falls off the roof, hitting his head in the fall. He is dazed for a second, then he sees where he is; hanging upside down in front of his room's window, with the critter inside his room playing Tactigon. His eyes go wide for a second, but his head injury gets the best of him and his vision gets blurry as he slowly passes out, unable to return to his beloved game.
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We now have a solid story base to work on, but in my opinion this is not a resolving ending. Please comment on this and develop it as a group; as I see comments I will edit the story accordingly.
Ben is sitting in front of his computer staring intensely into his monitor. His room is covered in Tactigon paraphernalia and he is wearing a Tactigon t-shirt. He is determined to prove his skill in the Tactigon universe by completing the 999th level. We see the text “LEVEL 999” pop up on the screen and Ben shifts in his seat to achieve the optimun gaming posture. Then the power goes out. Ben is startled at first, but when he grasps the situation and his lost Tactigon game his left eye twitches as he stares into the darkness of his dead computer monitor. The only light is the moonlight reflecting off his face.
The camera cuts to Squeak who is on the roof with the power cord to the house that he just unplugged in his mouth. Immediately we hear yelling and rampaging coming from the house under Squeak's feet. At first squeak looks up and raises his ears to hear better, but then he realizes what the sound is, gives a brief satisfied grin and resumes his work. (Possibly a scene here with Ben in the dark flipping switches in a fuse box)
Ben busts through the front door fuming and looks towards the power lines. He spots Squeak sitting on the roof messing with the cord, and gets a confused look on his face. Next we see Ben climbing a ladder to the roof to subdue the unknown creature. Squeak spots him and acts terrified as Ben approaches with a grin. Right as Ben is almost within arms reach and swings at Squeak, Squeak jumps down from the roof after showing a hint of a grin. Ben is confused as to why Squeak didn't just jump down in the first place, but he shrugs and proceeds to the loose end of the power cord to regain power to his house.
Right after the power goes back on we hear the front door slam, and Ben (who is still on the roof) freezes. Then he scurries off the roof, but in the process gets his leg caught on the power cable. He stumbles and then falls off the roof, hitting his head in the fall. He is dazed for a second, then he sees where he is; hanging upside down in front of his room's window, with the critter inside his room playing Tactigon. His eyes go wide for a second, but his head injury gets the best of him and his vision gets blurry as he slowly passes out, unable to return to his beloved game.
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We now have a solid story base to work on, but in my opinion this is not a resolving ending. Please comment on this and develop it as a group; as I see comments I will edit the story accordingly.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Electric Fur
The first scene reveals a close up of a hand on a mouse, an eye darting back and forth between seemingly important events with light reflecting off of it, and then a view from behind the boy in which we see a computer monitor. After moving away from the boy we see that his room is lit with light from the monitor and deep moonlight piercing through the darkness of his room from the window.
He is so into whatever is on the screen that he seems to be oblivious to any events that might be occurring around him. You see a shadow in the window, but the boy does not notice. The shadow is like a smaller version of the brief shadow that an airplane casts when flying between you and the sun. A few moments later, the power cuts out. The moonlight still lights half of the room and the boy's head, but the monitor is black. The power flickers on and off a bit, then dies completely.
The boy slowly gets up to look out the window. He sees a few blue-green sparks shower down from the roof, and runs to grab his flashlight. Next we see him stepping onto the roof from a ladder, flashlight in his mouth to light the way up. After a few sweeps of the flashlight he spots a critter (raccoon) nibbling on the power line to the house. The startled critter looks up with the cable between his jaws, pauses in the beam of the flashlight, then bites down. Almost instantly he is engulfed in arcs of electricity, and soon after the rooftop is starting to become electrified as well.
The next shot is from a birds eye view directly above the house in which we see the house glowing blue, and rapidly getting brighter. After a few seconds there is a bright flash and the screen slowly fades from bright white to the last scene: the boy sitting on a burned patch where his house used to be, with a wide-eyed blank stare on his face. Seconds later, the electrified raccoon falls from the above and lands next to him with a thump. The end.
*** I also wanted to add this ending as a less comedic option:
(The following would occur right after the power went out:)
The boy slowly gets up, and starts to tiptoe down the hall with a flashlight. When he is halfway down the hallway, he is pressed against the ground as if he was in an elevator that was just launched upwards at an unsafe velocity. As he regains his balance, there is a terrified look on his face. He continues towards a window in the hallway.
The bottom of the window sill is just below his eye level when he is on his toes, so he can only see what is directly outside of the window, but it is enough for him to realize what is happening; the house is moving through clouds. It seems very stable, and moving at a constant velocity, but there is no doubt that he is inside a flying house. We see the boy's face looking out the window, bewildered and pleased, and the camera seems to stay in one place as the house floats away and the boy's face gets smaller and smaller.
He is so into whatever is on the screen that he seems to be oblivious to any events that might be occurring around him. You see a shadow in the window, but the boy does not notice. The shadow is like a smaller version of the brief shadow that an airplane casts when flying between you and the sun. A few moments later, the power cuts out. The moonlight still lights half of the room and the boy's head, but the monitor is black. The power flickers on and off a bit, then dies completely.
The boy slowly gets up to look out the window. He sees a few blue-green sparks shower down from the roof, and runs to grab his flashlight. Next we see him stepping onto the roof from a ladder, flashlight in his mouth to light the way up. After a few sweeps of the flashlight he spots a critter (raccoon) nibbling on the power line to the house. The startled critter looks up with the cable between his jaws, pauses in the beam of the flashlight, then bites down. Almost instantly he is engulfed in arcs of electricity, and soon after the rooftop is starting to become electrified as well.
The next shot is from a birds eye view directly above the house in which we see the house glowing blue, and rapidly getting brighter. After a few seconds there is a bright flash and the screen slowly fades from bright white to the last scene: the boy sitting on a burned patch where his house used to be, with a wide-eyed blank stare on his face. Seconds later, the electrified raccoon falls from the above and lands next to him with a thump. The end.
*** I also wanted to add this ending as a less comedic option:
(The following would occur right after the power went out:)
The boy slowly gets up, and starts to tiptoe down the hall with a flashlight. When he is halfway down the hallway, he is pressed against the ground as if he was in an elevator that was just launched upwards at an unsafe velocity. As he regains his balance, there is a terrified look on his face. He continues towards a window in the hallway.
The bottom of the window sill is just below his eye level when he is on his toes, so he can only see what is directly outside of the window, but it is enough for him to realize what is happening; the house is moving through clouds. It seems very stable, and moving at a constant velocity, but there is no doubt that he is inside a flying house. We see the boy's face looking out the window, bewildered and pleased, and the camera seems to stay in one place as the house floats away and the boy's face gets smaller and smaller.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Unicorn
A girl is walking through the woods. She appears lost in thought. She hears a rustling near the trail and stops. A small white unicorn steps out, and gazes serenely at the girl. Enchanted, the girl holds out her hand towards the creature. The unicorn approaches slowly. The girl kneels down, still holding out her hand. The unicorn approaches and pauses, it's muzzle inches from the girl's hand. Suddenly, an arrow strikes the unicorn through the chest and it falls over dead. The girl is startled by the noise, and looks up. She shakes her head, as if to clear her vision. She looks down, and sees a dark, mangy, scrawny, creature with huge teeth and claws lying dead at her feet. The creature has an arrow through it's chest, and a single horn on it's head.
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Because I'm feeling rebellious about unicorns. I can't claim total credit for this idea, it's based on a passage from Ursula Vernon's Black Dogs. I think this one would fit in the time frame though.
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Because I'm feeling rebellious about unicorns. I can't claim total credit for this idea, it's based on a passage from Ursula Vernon's Black Dogs. I think this one would fit in the time frame though.
Drifting
It is getting later in the day (end of the afternoon) Within the Nealey household, and Brianna has had her 5th birthday celebration. There are several nature-themed decorations strewn about the house, the table still holding some cake, and balloons floating up to the ceiling, each leaving its ribbon tail to wave down below. The parents are cleaning up dishes when Bri comes in and points at one of the balloons in the next room; her mom follows her in and grabs onto a ribbon to bring it down to her to inspect and hold, but as she doesn't realize the balloon is attached to the ribbon, and she lets loos the ribbon the mom is headed back into the dining room.
*potentially, we could start here*
Brianna comes into the kitchen somewhat angry/sad (on the verge of tears), and she wants the balloon. As the dad goes in and grabs onto a ribbon and shows it to her for some understanding of the connection.
Bri can't keep a hold of the ribbon, and so it floats to the top; this time dad ties the balloon onto the loop of a basket, in fact, he ends up tying multiple balloons. (fade-out, or some other transition would be appropriate) Before much can be done, the dad grabs his daughter and lifts her into the basket, then plying with raising and lowering the basket.
She enjoys it, but he wants to finish cleaning, so he sets it down, and it stays grounded for moments only, as it then starts to rise up, toward the moving ceiling fan.
We could perhaps have one balloon that is a happy/smiley face; it is at the top and gets to the fan first, being "cut" and the basket would droop a bit, then continuing a slow climb. The parents could turn around as they hear the first one get caught, and run to help, but are too late; the next gets caught, but this is sturdier ribbon, and the basket getst dragged through the air, and Bri tumbles out, grabbing onto another balloon's ribbon and drifting down gracefully.
With this, I feel that we can get
*potentially, we could start here*
Brianna comes into the kitchen somewhat angry/sad (on the verge of tears), and she wants the balloon. As the dad goes in and grabs onto a ribbon and shows it to her for some understanding of the connection.
Bri can't keep a hold of the ribbon, and so it floats to the top; this time dad ties the balloon onto the loop of a basket, in fact, he ends up tying multiple balloons. (fade-out, or some other transition would be appropriate) Before much can be done, the dad grabs his daughter and lifts her into the basket, then plying with raising and lowering the basket.
She enjoys it, but he wants to finish cleaning, so he sets it down, and it stays grounded for moments only, as it then starts to rise up, toward the moving ceiling fan.
We could perhaps have one balloon that is a happy/smiley face; it is at the top and gets to the fan first, being "cut" and the basket would droop a bit, then continuing a slow climb. The parents could turn around as they hear the first one get caught, and run to help, but are too late; the next gets caught, but this is sturdier ribbon, and the basket getst dragged through the air, and Bri tumbles out, grabbing onto another balloon's ribbon and drifting down gracefully.
With this, I feel that we can get
- some practice with gravity - balloons, basket, etc
- different materials for the balloons: some transparent, others translucent, with a shiny, reflective coat on it.
- lighting will come into play, as a sunset will cast an orange hue, with purple/red/yellow/etc colors about the clouds seen off in the horizon from the kitchen window.
Throw-Away, Lodge-Boy, and the Karkadann
Throw-Away and Lodge-Boy decide to hunt the karkadann. They take their bows and some food and travel through the desert to the range of the creature. They spot the karkadann, and Lodge-Boy draws it attention so Throw-Away can ambush it from the side. The karkadann charges Logde-Boy, impaling him through the leg on it's horn. Throw-Away fires several arrows at the karkadann, but all are stopped by the creature's thick hide. Throw-Away manages to shoot an arrow into the creature's eye, and bellowing in pain the kardadann runs off into the distance with Lodge-Boy still impaled on it's horn. Throw-Away tracks the karkadann through the night, and eventually spots the creature flinging it's head around trying to dislodge Lodge-Boy. Throw-Away shoots the karkadann, causing it to stop flinging Lodge-Boy around and charge. The injured Lodge-Boy manages to use his body to cover the karkadann's good eye, leaving the beast blind. Throw-Away begins yelling and throwing stones at the blind karkadann, leading it the direction he wants. The blind karkadann eventually charges into a lake, where Lodge-Boy is able to swim to safety as the heavy creature sinks.
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OK, so this is kinda a blend of a couple different folk-tales. A karkadann is kinda like a big, monstrous rhinoceros, (Persian unicorn...they are very aggressive and like to kill elephants) you can google it if you want more info. I'm not entirely sure on the time here, I was thinking of telling any backstory as dialog while the boys are traveling.
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ETA: If this is too long (and it probably is), perhaps we can start the short where Throw-Away is tracking the karkadann after the initial battle. The events of the first battle could be done in a "thinking back" type voice-over.
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OK, so this is kinda a blend of a couple different folk-tales. A karkadann is kinda like a big, monstrous rhinoceros, (Persian unicorn...they are very aggressive and like to kill elephants) you can google it if you want more info. I'm not entirely sure on the time here, I was thinking of telling any backstory as dialog while the boys are traveling.
----------------------
ETA: If this is too long (and it probably is), perhaps we can start the short where Throw-Away is tracking the karkadann after the initial battle. The events of the first battle could be done in a "thinking back" type voice-over.
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